new beginnings

To my dear Ester,

It's day 1 of our new life, our new life apart. The last 15 months and 12 days have been some of the best times we've ever had. I still can't believe that it's all over now. I will miss every part of our relationship.

I think the problem was that my life revolved around yours too much. To put it simply, you were my everything. It may sound awesome, but the fact was that I think I was strangling you. You didn't want a boyfriend who was so obsessed with everything. You needed space but I just wanted you to spend more and more time with me.

I wish we could just turn back time. I spent so much time pouring through our old messages both on Facebook and on Whatsapp. I just can't get over how happy we were. But the past few months were not great I admit. The last time you said you loved me was in April. I know for sure now that for the past few months, you do not any more.

I really don't want to let you go. To let this go. To let all our happy memories go. I will miss you terribly. But I know that I have to. It will take time for me to fully let you go and I hope you will understand that. I cannot delete our 15 months and 12 days just like that.

For what its worth, I am sorry for the many many times I acted so horribly. All I really wanted was to be the best man for you, to give you true happiness. I really tried, but I know it wasn't enough. I truly mean it when I say I want you to be happy. And I really hope that the next relationship for you will be more meaningful, more fruitful, and more filled with love.

I am lucky to have had the privilege to call you my girlfriend. Thank you for all the wonderful memories we had, and for the bad ones as well. Each one is a different lesson and a different experience and I will look back to.

Thank you for the times we laughed, the times we had fun, the times we went out to Max Brenner's and Madtongsan and Boom Boom and Hakataya. It seems like our dates always revolve around the same places but they were always good memories that I will cherish. I know that we can still go back, but things will not be the same. Thank you for the times you held my hand. I miss that feeling so much. I will miss how we walked back from South Bank that one time just holding each other's hand.

I know I have to say goodbye. Everyone does one day. But I also know this is not goodbye for us. I hope for a good and lasting friendship. Perhaps maybe I can knock Yuheng off his pedestal haha. My heart is still very much broken but I know time will heal these wounds.

For now though, my dear, dear Ester. Thank you for the memories. I will always hold you dear in my heart. And a part of me will always love you.

Yours always,
Bry